Men Alone

Mentioned earlier today on face book that I ran out of bar soap so I showered with shampoo instead.  Then I figured....go for it....and I used the conditioner too.  It made my hairy chest soft and fluffy.  No one around to impress although the cats seemed to like it.  They think I'm one of them now. We had a group purr.

I  was wondering what a woman would do.  Well, a woman probably wouldn't run out soap in the first place..but on the off chance she did would a woman delay her shower until she got to the store to pick up a couple of bars of Camay?  A man wouldn't do that. A man doesn't think like that.  For a man it's best available.

Men do weird things when we're alone.  Get out of the shower and we automatically pull in our stomachs (women think we only do that for them),  We take a look, figure we're a 25 year old hardbody again say to ourselves,,"yea, I can get another year out of the speedo".  Hey we don't cut the hair growing out of our ears. We figure one day it might come in handy for a combover.

Men alone means as few dishes a possible.  I mean why dirty a dish if you can eat over the sink.  This is why I don't eat cereal in the morning when a cereal bar will do.  No dishes. No mess. No spilt milk.  Besides a cereal bar is just as nutritous although I'm guessing at that because men alone will not read the ingredients on the back of box.

I've also discovered a way not to dirty a spoon when you have coffee.  Pour the milk in first, then the coffee.  Voila...it stirs itself.  David Copperfield would be jealous.

'Course eating like this can limit your menu.  Pasta can be trickey, it can be done but it takes practice. Chili is almost impossible. Notice I said almost. Soup?  Can't be done.  So sandwiches are what you're going to have most days.  Make them on a paper towel, eat them over the sink and the only thing you dirty is a knife.  Need a drink?  That's what the tap is for. Why waste the time and effort putting the sandwich on the plate, pouring milk in glass, and walking to the couch just in time to catch Coronation Street. This is why God put tv's in the kitchen.  No trouble, no mess.

Also acceptable for men alone is anything you can micro-wave as long as it comes with it's own plate.  Nuke, eat, throw away.  This why microwave popcorn might be the greatest invention of the last millenium.  Thank you Mr. Redenbacher.

By the way when men go out and we're watching a game at the local sports bar and you see us do all those mysterious handshakes when our team scores.  Not so mysterious.  We just want them to look that way.  We figure if we can impress just one woman with these arcane antics we might be able to talk them in coming over and cooking us a decent meal..bring along a bar of soap...clip our ear hair...get rid of the speedo....etc...etc.

Note: for another very funny take on this go to: cbc.ca/laughoutloud check out comedy clips and John Wing.