There's Something In The Air

Few days ago Fred Patterson blogged about a question he had heard on the radio.  "How long before it's acceptable to fart in front of your mate?"  Fred admitted he did it early on in his relationship then went on to explain his fascination with flatuation and what a wonderful and understanding wife he has.  She must be!

Bringing up the rear, so to speak, on that was a f/b link today posted by Chris Kennedy.  It's for "The Better Marriage Blanket"...The blanket that absords farts.   According to the blurb farting is one of the leading causes of divorce in America.  The Better Marriage Blanket contains active carbon fibers which will "filter out odor badness".  I've never heard the back door burp refered to as odor badness before but I think we all get the drift.

I know we're just a decade in but if this thing works it could be the invention of the century. Do you realize how many marriages it could save.  God, do you realize how many of my marriages it might have saved! 

Now, I don't mind a good fart joke.  When I did the Sunday Funnies one of the shows that got the biggest reaction was a full hour about nothing but the vulgar vapour.  When I was a kid my mother used to call them "putt putts". Say that today and you'd figure that Tiger Woods needed 2 shots on the 17th green to save par,

The word fart comes from the middle english "ferten". That word is still used in parts of the southern US.  "What's Bubba Joe doin' over there?"...."He's ferten'..he had chili for lunch". Speaking of lunch, I had no idea that peanut butter was a flatulent.  Peanuts are legummes and legummes will make you pass the gas longer and louder than most other things your mom packed in your lunch bag.  So it finally made sense that the last class of the afternoon smelled like my gym locker.  25 kids firing off air biscuits in a class room while they're trying to read Great Expectations with no expectations of making it trough the final 15 minutes. 

Now, I'm no expert but I have noticed that dogs will let go with a butt bark  and immediately leave the room.  Speed of light, speed of sound, speed of fart.  You hear the sound but don't appreciate the essence of it for several seconds. In the mean time your mutt managed to avoid the results of it's vapor caper.

From experience it would seem that women are less flatulent than men. Can women actually do what men think is anatomically impossible and hold it in?  If they can wouldn't they become inflatuated with it?  Truth is women can't re-route the toot.  Research shows that men and women have an equal amount of gas.  Women seem to be able to some how disguise their booty bombs.  For men it's the art of the fart.  We brag about it. 

The Better Marriage Blanket?  Do it for him.  Do it for her.  Do it for your relationship.  Just don't lift the covers.